Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Making friends

Last night I went to the movies to see My Sister's Keeper with some friends. The movie itself wasn't bad, and certainly wasn't the worst book to movie adaptation going around even with the fact that the ending of the movie was changed significantly. And yes, I cried loads!

When I said that I was going to see it, the people around me were interested but the biggest reaction I got was when I said who I was going with rather than what I was going to see. I went to see this movie with a group of three ladies who are my train buddies. All the people I work with think it is very strange that I have train friends, but I do. These are people who I generally end up seeing on the train every day at least one way and so after a period of time we started talking to each other about various things from kids and family, to social life, to personal issues, and of course I have to talk books with at least one of them!

What I wonder though is why is this so strange? I find it harder to make friends now than I did when I was very young, both from building a new friendship once you have met someone new, but also in that meeting new people phase. Where do you meet new people? The most obvious place is work, but hopefully there is some stability in your workplace so that there are not constant changes to the staff members. Kids sporting events are another possibility, or maybe a craft group or something, but even then the opportunities to move beyond acquaintance to friendship can be limited. I certainly don't know many people who started talking in a cafe for example and are still close friends years later.

Over the years I have got to know quite a few people that I met initially online. There are a group of ladies that I see semi-regularly that I met at, then there are the people in other states and countries that I count as my friend even though we have never actually met and there's every chance we never will.

I guess one of the questions to ask is that will I still be in contact with my train buddies if for some reason I started catching different trains. Maybe, maybe not, but I do know that if when I get on the train tonight, one or all of them are on the train, then they will have brightened my day just a little bit!


  1. Good for you, Marg! There comes a point after which you actually have to work at making friends, even if part of you keeps saying "This should be happening naturally, bet my parents never had to do this" *g*.

    Having moved to a new city recently, I've experienced that first hand. Most people my age already have their groups of friends, so I've had to make an effort to get out and meet people. I think it's actually harder to "ask out" another woman than a guy you're attracted to!

    I've joined a walking group and that's been great, and I've even joined a socialising website. The latter was quite scary (a bit of a whiff of desperation?), but it's been really good. I've met a lot of people who are in the very same situation as me, either recently moved to Liverpool, or single in their early 30s and finding that all their old friends are too busy with small children to pay any attention to them. It hasn't been long, so no real friendships have developed yet, but I've been having lots of fun chatting with loads of new people.

  2. Rosario, like you I have moved cities quite a few times, and know exactly what you mean about people already having their established groups of friends. I even found it hard coming back from overseas to my home town because I had been away for so long that, whilst they were all glad to see me, they had their own social groups that I didn't necessarily fit into, or they had met their partners who I didn't know and things like that!

    You are braver than I am in joining a socialising website. It is probably getting to the point where I should probably consider that soon.

  3. I love that you have 'train friend's! so cool. Good for you. Most friendships are just a matter of joint comment circumstance. I, too, have moved around and it is tough to make friends - people seem to think they can only have a set amount and it is 'odd' to them that they just might want MORE!? I don't get it. But that's because I'm the one that is always reaching out, I guess. And of course, they really think it's strange that I have online friends...

  4. I meant common not comment. I've been doing that a lot lately - substituting real other words for words I want to use. joint common circumstance - or is this redundant? sigh.

  5. I think it's awesome you have train buddies--an excellent way to make the commute more pleasant!

  6. I don't think your having train buddies is strange at all! I could totally see that happening.

    I have friends in all different "social circles" in my life. Some of my closest friends are women I met while attending La Leche League meetings when our now 14 year olds were just babies. I've also made friends with some women at the gym with whom I now meet socially outside of the gym! Of course, I've even met new real life friends from online book forums or blogs. Ha. Go figure. ; )

  7. Train buddies! I'm finding bus stop buddies all ready. Any chance you'd want to go see The Ugly Truth?

  8. I think it's awesome that you have train buddies! It's hard to maintain friendships and meet people when we have such busy lives, and living in a large city myself I can definitely understand that people are more guarded and it can be hard to make new friends. I meet a lot of cool people in my art classes, it's a mix of all different ages and types of people which is nice; an eclectic blend.