Last month I attended the Rachael Johns Readers Retreat. One of the authors who was attending was Nadia Mahjouri, whose debut book Half Truth had recently been released. Whilst I was interested in reading her book, it was more of a case of I will get to it eventually. And then I heard her talk. On a panel she talked about her own story of her journey to Morocco when she was a young mother, of finding her family there which she has fictionalised in this book. I was so inspired by listening to her story that I had to buy the book straight away and then find time to read it quickly too.
It is 1999 and Zahra has just moved to a remote part of Tasmania with her boyfriend Jacob and their infant child Amir. Jacob's idea is that they need to be self sufficient, just in case the world goes crazy due to the Year 2000 bug.
Zahra has always wondered about her father. When she speaks to her Australian mother about him she doesn't have a huge amount of information, so Zahra decides that this time, whilst Amir is still so young, is the perfect time to travel to Morocco to find the man who fathered her. She sends a letter to the family and asks them to meet her at a specific place and time.
After an initial misunderstanding, Zahra and her family meet and she is welcomed with open arms. Zahra goes to Morocco searching for her father. There she meets her grandmother and her family who are searching for their son and brother. They are searching for the same man, but they find each other. The family are keen to share all of their traditions with her, even if not all of them make her feel comfortable given her Australian upbringing.
In the other part of the story, we learn Khadiji's story, who is Zahra's grandmother. Khadiji was married at 11, a mother at 13, and now in her twilight years she is moving into the city of Marrakech, packing up 50 years of memories. One of the great regrets of her life is that she doesn't know where her son is Ahmed is and hasn't seen him for many years.
Through Khadiji's story, we learn about the troubled history and Morocco starting in 1944 and going through political unrest and turmoil through to the 1970s. We feel the dread that Khadiji feels as her son becomes involved in the unrest, putting them all in danger. One of the things that I loved about Khadij's story was her friendship with her neighbour, Laila, and I was heartbroken with some of the turns the story took.
I was very moved by how profound this journey was on Zahra
As I sit, trying to choose which words to use, I am filled with a knowing. I still want to know the truth, but now I know it's more than that - I want to live truth, to speak truth, to tell truth. I want to feel truth in my veins. I want to be truth. I am done with trying to fit myself into spaces, ideas and role that I don't fit, tired of apologising for who I am, who I am not. Of being too big, too loud, too white, too dark. I write to Jacob, tell him things are changing for me, that I'm learning what I want and who I am. Where I fit. How I want to feel.
I also find myself wondering about my own son. He is half African (well technically a quarter African and a quarter Caribbean) but he has been raised by me with only occasional input from his father. He gives no appearance of being interested in that part of himself with only very few mentions of his heritage. Does he wonder?
I also found myself thinking about the physicalness of motherhood as portrayed in this book. The author has had an interesting career that includes a focus on maternal mental health. This isn't a book where the baby was fed and went to sleep. We are witness to the full breasts leaking and providing succour, the birth of children and more. It is very grounding. Maybe earthy and real are the words I am looking for.
I really loved this book. I loved the journey that Zahra was on, how welcoming her family was, how she learnt about the culture that she was part of but had never been exposed to.
I am sharing this review with the New Release Challenge hosted at The Chocolate Lady's Book Reviews, and with the Historical Fiction Reading Challenge that I host. This was also one of the books I nominated to read as part of 20 Books of Winter.
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