Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sunday Salon: My unscheduled blogging break

Given that the last time I went fishing was probably 25 years ago and I don't really have any intention of doing so in the next 25 years, I should probably come clean and say that I didn't really go fishing in the last week.

Instead, my longest break from blogging in six years (I think anyway) was caused by the need to make an emergency dash to Perth to say goodbye to my grandfather who died on Wednesday morning at the age of 102.

A couple of years ago, on the occasion of his 100th birthday, I wrote a post that talked a little about his life, and this photo was taken at the 100th birthday celebration. It is one of the few that I have with him as an adult.

Photo by Chad Taylor Photography. If you are in Perth and need a photographer check him out  (my cousin)

It's been an interesting week really.

We knew that it was getting close to time, so we originally were thinking about heading over to Perth on the Friday night, but we held off booking, and then we talking about going on Wednesday morning, but then in the end we flew out in a massive rush on Tuesday night. At 4.50pm on that night we decided we were going, and at 7.30pm we were at the airport and in the intervening time, I had trained my boss how to do something that had to happen the next day, spent an hour getting home, packed and driven to the airport which is about 40 minutes away. Fastest pack ever....and I didn't forget anything other than hair ties! It was a good job that we did go on Tuesday night as we got to spend a couple of hours with my grandparents. We were just about to go back to the nursing home on the Wednesday morning when we got the call to say he had passed.

In some ways it was kind of an odd feeling that came over me at his passing. My mum moved us away from our family when I was 10 years old and so we only got to see my father and my grandparents for short times during holidays. Really, at the end of every visit for the last twenty years, I have walked out thinking that this will be the last time, trying to hold it together so that they couldn't see how upsetting it was each time, and I know that my grandfather, in particular, was doing the same. To know that this time was really the last time was hard, but also a relief as he had been in pain for a long time. His mind was quite active up until the last few months, but his movement was extremely limited and painful.

What also made this time quite emotional was that my cousin's eldest son was involved in a terrible accident the day after my grandfather died so there was lots of concern relating to that. He will be alright eventually, physically at least, but his best mate died and so there will definitely be a long road to recovery.

Overall, there was only a hint of family drama but it was pretty low key which was fantastic. In fact, one good thing that came out was that all of my cousins were in the same place at the same time, something that my grandfather would have loved. I don't think that has happened before, but I could be wrong. The oldest cousin has been estranged from the family for a long time and with us living interstate we weren't always at family events and my two youngest cousins weren't born before we left. I don't necessarily think that this will fix the estrangement but it was great to see him take his place at the grave and to have everyone together however briefly.

What I can't begin to imagine is how my grandmother is feeling. They have been married for 69 years and I just don't know how I would face the idea of going back home to know  that your husband is not going to be there. There is a chance that maybe she will decide to go to a care facility. She was also in the same hospice as my grandfather as she currently has a broken leg so they were able to share a room right up until a room.

I was a little bit cheeky while we were away. My grandmother and a couple of my cousins are real readers, and so my grandmother often has a pile of library books that my cousin gets for her. I walked into the hospice room and noticed the books there immediately - especially an old, out-of-print novel by Susan Carroll which is one of the few books by her that I haven't read! While we were sitting up with my grandmother on the first couple of nights I started it, and ended up finishing it while we were away. Other than that, I really didn't do a lot of reading while I was away - I just wasn't in the right space mentally.

I have started to make up for it since I have been back, but my library queues and Netgalley queue were all in a bit of a mess! Oh well!

Currently Reading

All the Flowers in Shanghai by Duncan Jepson - I was supposed to post a review of this last week but completely forgot about it in the rush to get to Perth. My review will now be posted in the next week.

Trouble at the Wedding by Laura Lee Guhrke

Reading Next

The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald - my next book club choice.

36 comments:

  1. Marg, I"m so sorry to hear about your grandfather but I'm glad that you got to see him. I know what you mean about the end of your visits with him over the last several years. My grandfather is almost 90 and I always have tears in my eyes when I say goodbye to him (and a little piece of me is thankful that he can't see them since his vision isn't very good). The last couple of years I've gotten to where I dread answering the phone when my dad calls, afraid that it's "the call". Take care

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    1. To be honest, for the last couple of years when I have been expecting the call it could just as easily been for my dad and not my grandparents!

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  2. What a rotten week for you but I'm sure you will always be grateful that you got to have one last visit with your grandfather. I too have family scattered all about - including a brother and his whole family in the US - and it does make those few times when you do manage to be in the same place very special - even if there are lots of tears. Take care of yourself in the coming weeks, grief has a nasty way of sneaking up on you, and definitely do not be hard on yourself about no reading/blogging.

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    1. Thanks Bernadette! I try to be relatively relaxed about what I blog and will definitely allow some more time if I need it!

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  3. So sorry for your loss.

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  4. Thanks for sharing the personal story with us, Marg. My grandfather also lived past 100 and died just a few years ago. I remember the occasion more on behalf of my own father than for my grandfather, really- my dad was more emotional and distraught than I've ever seen him, and then so much of my sadness was tied up in the fact that I didn't even really know my grandfather well. I'm glad you were able to see your family in a relatively drama-free manner and I hope that it gave you some closure.

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    1. The hardest part for me was reading the funeral notice from my grandmother and seeing her go and say farewell to the coffin. Those parts were very emotional.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with your grandmother as well as your cousin's eldest son.

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    1. Thanks. Last I heard he was on the way to recovery which is great.

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  6. Marg, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather, and will be praying for your family during this difficult time. I am glad that there was not much drama, but the accident sounds like it was terrible, and my wish is that your cousin's son heals quickly, both mentally and physically. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been doing. Email me when you get a chance!

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    1. The accident was terrible!

      I have an email half written to you! Will finish it in the next couple of days.

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  7. Sorry to hear about your loss, but you were lucky to have the time with him that you did. I never knew either of mine, they died when I was so young, and both grandmothers have been gone for many years. Treasure the memories you have.

    *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Misfit! My grandparents on my mother's side have been gone for many years - my grandmother before I was even born and my grandfather when I was about 9.

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  8. I am glad you got to spend some time with your grandfather before he passed. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for your grandmother, though. It would be so different now... Take care!

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    1. See, this should show up as threaded...

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    2. Yep! Seems to be working fine now.

      I am glad we made it in time too!

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  9. Sorry to hear about your grandfather, but 102 is a milestone and I'm sure he had tales to tell. Welcome back.

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    1. 102 is definitely an amazing length of life, and yes, over the years there have been some very interesting stories.

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  10. I knew something more than "going fishing" was going on, and I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss. I don't think it's ever easy, no matter what people say, and to have that loss compounded with your cousin's accident is scary.

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    1. Thanks Picky. It was certainly an emotional time.

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Marg, but it's wonderful that you were able to be there at the end and say your goodbyes. I had a similar rush across the country to see my grandmother before she died a few years ago, getting there only a few hours before she passed, but I'll always be so happy that we had that one last visit together.

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    1. Thanks Claire, and thanks for taking care of Library Loot! I am back on board for this week.

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  12. So sorry to read of your loss, Marg - what a wonderful long life your grandfather had and you must be very happy to have been able to be with him and your family at the end.
    I hope your cousin's son is recovering well.

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    1. Cat, our greatest fear was that we would find out on Facebook so it was a relief to be there with everyone.

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  13. Sorry to hear about your loss. You are so, so lucky to have had a grandfather for so long, even though you didn't get to see much of him. One of my grandfathers died before I was born, the other when I was 4 years old. I do at least remember the one who was alive for the first 4 years of my life - just 2 specific scenes of my life that still make me laugh. The memories carry you. Hope your cousin is recovering.

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    1. Thanks Bookfool. I know that I have been very lucky in that I haven't lost very many people in my life over the years.

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  14. My sympathies, I lost my grandfather earlier this year and I still forget he is gone

    Shelleyrae @ Book'd Out

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    1. I know someone else who lost their grandmother just a couple of days ago too! Seems to be happening to quite a few people all at one time.

      Thanks Shelleyrae!

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  15. Wow, tough week. I lost my grandparents over 10 years ago when I was still a teenager. My parents had moved us from England to NZ when I was 12 and I never got back to see them. I am so glad that you made it in time!! It's something to hang on to through the grief.

    Hug x

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    1. Thanks. I can't imagine not having seen them at all again. When I lived in the UK I was worried about something happening to them and me not being able to get back for anything.

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  16. I am very sorry for your loss Marg. Thankfully you got to say good bye and catch up with family. That's the only time I see some of my family, weddings and funerals.
    Lovely photo for the memory box.

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    1. Thanks Jenny. My cousin did such a good job with all the photos at the 100th birthday.

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  17. Marg, I'm sorry for your loss. My prayers for him and your family. I'm glad you were able to see him and spent time with him and family. And the picture you post, is important sentimental to keep. Frame it or scrapbook it. You and your son will remember him and have piece of him in your heart, always :)

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    1. Thanks Julia. That is part of the reason why I posted the photo here...for posterity sake!

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  18. So sorry for your loss. I just lost my grandmother recently, so I really feel for you. ((HUGS))

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